April 19, 2019
Friday PM

FROM THE CITY OF AMYLONIA
ON THE ISLAND OF SECONIA
IN THE GRAND DUCHY OF MURKOWSKI
AND NOT FAR FROM A VAST OCEAN OF STOLEN OIL
99901

PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP
White House Washington, D.C. 20100

Dear Mr. Trump:

I have to say this offer of pardons even before a crime is committed presents some interesting possibilities that I urge you to consider. Offering a pardon to your new head of Homeland Security for all crimes he may commit in the course of beating the living crap out of Hispanics from Central America, warehousing children in cages in the absence of their parents, and hosing carloads of Mexican policemen ala SICARIO 2, is the mark of genius; indeed a form of genius I doubt anyone else will ever even think to match.

So this has got me to thinking. During your campaign, the debates, and even in your time in office you have repeatedly emphasized that smart people like you don’t pay taxes. Your little darling, Jared Kushner, last year pocketed $345 million (while purportedly working for the government) on which he did not pay a dime in taxes. Jeff Bezos and Amazon, the richest man in the world and his company, did not pay taxes. In Trumpland, I gather, you are considered a complete dummy if you pay any taxes.

I know you are a man who ardently believes in the principles of equality, thus it seems merely reasonable to at this juncture respectfully request that all enrolled agents, certified public accountants, and tax attorneys be granted blanket pardons for that we have not yet done, to wit, prepare everyone’s tax returns with a net tax of zero that we all may enjoy the benefits that have accrued to you and your cronies these many years.

Just imagine what that will do for the economy. No bureaucrats, no working sewers, no power, and in short order no roads even. Truly the way to prove that you, the super-rich, and your inside guys did it all on their own without the help or the assistance or the purchasing power of anyone else.

Your consideration in this regard is appreciated. Sincerely:

David G. Hanger dgh
Ketchikan, Alaska

Editor's Note:

The text of this letter was NOT edited by the SitNews Editor.

Received April 18, 2019 - Published April 19, 2019

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