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Combat fishing contests
By Olney Webb

 

September 17, 2007
Monday


Since there seems to be overwhelming public support for combat fishing on the bridge, we should have a contest and we'll call it THE GREAT ALASKAN HUMPY STOMP OFF. The reason for this name is people fish there without gaff hooks or nets, so they stomp on the fish to kill it, -- I have seen people stomp the head right off a humpy. This contest will be for distance and accuracy.

Next the FLOP OFF, person whose fish flops the longest on the sidewalk wins. Next THE LAST GASP -- this is a longer version of the FLOP OFF.

Next SIDEWALK FISH CLEANING where the contestant demonstrates fish cleaning on the side walk while making the biggest mess without ruining the knife blade on the pavement.

Next,BLOOD PUDDLE HOPSCOTCH -- rubber boots and rain pants recommended for this one.

Next FISH HOOK IN THE FACE CONTEST -- WARNING CONTESTANTS ENTERING THE FISH HOOK CONTEST MUST HAVE OSHA APPROVED EYE PROTECTION:

Next BARRICADE BUILDING blocking the sidewalk with material commonly found on the bridge like bikes ,fishing rods, tackle boxes, dead fish, live fish, huge wads of fishing line. garbage and pools of blood and slime.

And last,weather permitting, the HOT SIDEWALK COOK OFF with two categories guts in and guts out. Bon appetit.

This contest may be cancelled, we are having trouble finding judges.

This event approved by PETS, People for the Ethical Treatment of Salmon.

Olney Webb
webb[at]kpunet.net
Pennock Island, AK

Received September 17, 2007 - Published September 17, 2007

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