(SitNews) Ketchikan, Alaska - Hey boys and girls, it’s time again to play “Name That Cruise Ship!”

Y’all remember three years ago when Royal Caribbean asked the public for names for their newest ships. Our suggestions, “Humongous of the Seas” and “Gargantuan of the Seas,” of course did not make the final cut, but you can’t win if you don’t play, eh?

Royal Caribbean got 91,000 entries and they selected “Oasis of the Seas.”  Not sure what that really means because an oasis is usually a spot of water surrounded by sand and not an endless midnight buffet surrounded by water. They must have been leaning toward a “ships of the desert” theme.

Anyway, now comes Norwegian Cruise Lines with its own contest to name future vessels. You have until August 14. But only if you do not live in Quebec. I kid you not, the contest is open to all Americans and Canadians, except those who live Quebec.

I guess they don’t want any suggestions such as the “Norvegian Incroyable” or the “Norvegian Choisire.”  No word on whether it’s okay for Califorianos to submit “Noruega Increible” or “Noruega Fiesta.”

Funny, it just occurred to me that Holland America – Home of the Dam Ships – has never asked the public for suggestions. Probably just as well.

As usual, I digress.

The NCL contest seems to have only two rules for the name.

First off, you can’t use “Titanic, Andrea Doria, Lusitania” or “Edmund Fitzgerald.” Those names apparently are considered unlucky. Go figure.

Secondly, it must have Norwegian in the title.

This stands to reason because the name of the line is not Swedish Cruise Lines and we appreciate how touchy those Scandinavians are to their specific national identities.  As if a non-Nordic type can really tell a Norsky from a Swede from a Dane from a Finn anyway. After all, they all have the same shaped heads, don’t they? (No screaming letters please, I’m also a wee bit Norwegian, too!)

Of course, there could be a little wiggle room on the national heritage for the ship name. After all, NCL is based in the very un-Baltic port of Miami and is headed by someone, Kevin Sheehan, who sounds a little more Irish than Norwegian (shouldn’t his name be Thor or Odin or Leif Ericson?).

As a cheat sheet, here are the current NCL names:

Norwegian Sky
Norwegian Sun
Norwegian Star
Norwegian Dawn
Norwegian Spirit
Norwegian Jewel
Norwegian Pearl
Norwegian Gem
Norwegian Jade
Norwegian Epic

Kinda monotonous, eh?

But then Norwegians are not particularly creative, even the Irish ones who live in Miami.

It seems that the first requirement is generally one syllable (except for the Spirit, Jewel and Epic).  Secondly, it generally has to be either a celestial term or a something you dig out of the ground (or out of a cheesed off oyster).

Sadly, the “Norwegian Tanzanite” has way too many syllables, as does the “Norwegian Ammolite.” “Norwegian Diamond.” would work, although I bet those stickler Norsepersons would pronounce it “dee-a-mond.”

Of course, I still suggest thinking outside of the “eske” a little. After all, some wild and crazy rule breaker came up with the “Epic” which is neither an expensive rock nor a meteorite but is cerrtainly, well, epic enough for a cruise ship.

Sadly, the best description of a modern cruise ship has too many syllables. The “Norwegian Smorgasbord” would be a perfect name. Especially for those who like to “freestyle cruise” their way from buffet to buffet humming “Lust For Life.”

Well, you’ve already wasted enough valuable “thinking up” time by reading this. The “klokke” is “tikkende.”

And yes, I have already submitted “Norwegian Wood.”

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