(SitNews) Ketchikan, Alaska - It took me twelve minutes to get ready for my buddy Kurt’s wedding in California recently. I’m efficient, not slovenly or apathetic. I’m also a realist. In the six weddings in which I’ve been one of the groom’s dudes, I’ve learned that everyone is looking at the bride and the bridesmaid you are escorting down the aisle. As long as you’ve been washed, wiped with deodorant and have chewed breath-masking gum (which you must spit out before go-time) you’re good to go.

All that accomplished, I sat outside and allowed the slanted sun to warm my deprived skin. Thus began the final 180 minutes of sitting, waiting, standing, posing, watching, talking, and more waiting. You know what it’s like.

Then finally you escort a bridesmaid who still makes you look like a hobo even though you took almost a quarter of an hour to get ready. Had I doubled or even tripled the time spent getting ready, the result would have been markedly similar and as I mentioned, no one would have noticed anyway. Everyone was watching the bride, checking for sweat on the groom and listening to the pastor who was standing in front of an elegant gas-powered fire which radiates heat equal to that of a small sun if you are standing in front of it wearing a black suit - which Pastor Jim was. Thankfully the groom’s dude behind me turned it off before Pastor Jim sweated out his ability to speak.

I was also thankful that my digestive system has switched off, or at least gone into dormant mode. You’re encouraged to stay hydrated, and that’s important, but water has consequences. I was in great shape Saturday. I had responsibly delivered the maid of honor to the bride’s side of the floor, there was no digestive distress. I wasn’t sweating, I wasn’t cold. I was alert, comfortable and ready to watch Kurt and Stephanie say, “I do.”

I stood in my assigned spot, left hand over right, and tried not to make any sudden or otherwise distracting movements. I had to remember to smile every once in a while, because sometimes when I get deep in thought, I get the focused, drab face of a malcontent which might be interpreted as a lack of enthusiasm which is far from the truth. Kurt’s a fishing buddy. We’ve road-tripped three hours to fish for five, then turned around and driven home. We’ve even hunted deer in fishing waders.

Plus I enjoy weddings. They’re reunions. They’re breaks from the routine of regular life. Of course they’re also about a pairing made in love which everyone shows up to celebrate. Then once all the quiet seriousness is over, the celebration is on.

At the reception dancing is a must, regardless of skill, which is good, because I have none. I just use my lack of shame to cover up my inability locate and trace rhythm with my feet and arms. I flail. Even if the lyrics are instructions, I manage to foul them up and bump into people or face the wrong direction. But that’s all okay. One might even say that is the point, if not a responsibility of a few chosen attendees - to make everyone else comfortable enough to enter the fray. Nonsense on the dance floor is much different than climbing trees or racing golf carts before the wedding though, because in those tense moments, there are things which can cause unneeded stress or even injury. If you DON’T almost pull a hammy while dancing, are you really dancing?

Then in an amount of time that felt shorter than what I took to get ready, it was over.

Time for me to continue my life in Alaska, and for Kurt and Stephanie to start their lives together.

Congratulations you two, and thank you.

Jeff Lund ©2015

Jeff Lund is a Teacher, Freelance Writer, living in Ketchikan, Alaska
Follow him on Twitter and Instagram @alaskalund
Contact Jeff at Email – aklund21@gmail.com

http://www.jlundoutdoors.com

SitNews ©2015
Stories In The News
Ketchikan, Alaska

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