Columns - Commentary
Dave
Kiffer: Captive
Audience: 'Bin' There, Done That - Years ago, there was a
bar in downtown Ketchikan that had beer advertisements plastered
on the walls above the urinals.
To answer your first question:
Yes, they were out of range of errant spraying.
To answer your second: Yes,
it seems odd because the purpose of the urinals was to relieve
"beer belly build up," not encourage additional imbibing.
But that wasn't really the
point.
Actually, there were two points.
First of all, the ads had a
captive audience. As Augie Busch the XXXXIV certainly knows,
it takes forever to empty a beer bladder.
Second, relieving a full bladder
is one of the most pleasurable feelings known to male kind (more
on why that is an important advertising point below!)
I saw something a few weeks
ago that reminded me about the bar "bathroom bulletins."
The Transportation Security
Administration hopes to raise a little scratch by putting advertisements
inside those quaint little storage bins that we put all our worldly
goods in before approaching the security screeners.
Offhand, it's hard to think
whom would want to advertise there. Maybe the Alaska Marine Highway
System would like to put in a "Next time, take the ferry"
message!
But I am not a marketing "guru,"
so what do I know? - More...
Wednesday AM - February 21, 2007
Jason
Love: Feng
Shui - I've got bad feng shui. Found out last week from Freddy,
my feng shui guy. You can tell how pretentious you are by the
number of "my people" in your life: my gardener, my
plastic surgeon, my feng shui guy.
Chi comes from a word meaning
"almost half of Chinese." It also means "wind
water," and can we really trust these people with the Olympics?
Freddy didn't warm to my house.
It started with the unflushed toilet and went downhill from there.
He pranced through the halls, smoldering his sage at my Trouble
Spots.
"All these browns and
blacks," he said. "Are you shooting for depression?"
I kept my mouth shut, which
any married man will tell you is good feng shui.
Freddy recommended some depression-free
colors -- eggshell, moccasin, alice blue -- but none of them
sounded heterosexual. So it goes.
Freddy followed his divining
nose through my home, saying tisk-tisk. No. Really. The actual
words: "tisk, tisk." The laundry on my Stairmaster
meant that my mind is cluttered (to say nothing of my waist).
The TV in my bedroom prevented a good night's rest. The gnats
above my sink said it's time to do the dishes. - More...
Wednesday AM - February 21, 2007
Preston
McDougall: Chemical
Eye on Dixie Chick-Lit - "I was never so amazed in my
life as when the Sniffer drew his concealed weapon from its case
and struck me to the ground, stone dead."
This is my favorite opening
line from a novel. So I figured if it worked for Robertson Davies
in "Murther and Walking Spirits", it would be a good
way to start this commentary. However, this commentary isn't
about murder or mysterious characters with names that evoke images
of non-prescription drug use. That would be cheap sensationalism.
This commentary is about a woman with a generous bosom.
Dolly Parton's not the tallest
Dixie Chick on the country music scene. And she may have been
raised in Shortsville, Tennessee. But there is no denying the
fact that she's got huge talents. She has a big heart too.
Singing, song-writing, and
acting, are among her well-known talents. But folks in Tennessee
know that she also has a talent for organizing community efforts
to improve the literacy of preschool children from hill or vale.
With Governor Bredesen's help, Tennessee became the first state
to offer the "Imagination Library" program - free
- to children statewide. All that parents have to do is register
their children, which can be done online or by calling the toll-free
number 1-877-99BOOKS. Once registered, they will receive a colorful
"board book" in the mail, every month until their 5th
birthday. - More...
Wednesday AM - February 21, 2007
Rob
Holston: UNDERDOGS
- For the first time in many years I became a viewer of the Super
Bowl. I had a low interest in the actual game but I picked Chicago
as "my" team because they were "underdogs."
As the game progressed beyond the very first play, they proved
themselves to be just that, "underdogs." But much of
the hoopla concerning the Super Bowl concerned the advertisements
that would be aired. At the high cost of air-time, one gets an
idea about which products and services have a high profit potential,
worthy of shelling out millions for a couple of 30 second spots.
It was during several of these
commercials that a new underdog emerged. This underdog is the
American consumer. The advertisers that thrust the American consumer
into the roll of underdog, i.e. "almost guaranteed looser"
are Coke, Doritos brand of the Frito Lay family of munchies,
Bud(un)wiser, Sierra Mist and Snickers. I will now boycott these
products for an entire year. I pledge to make water my beverage
of choice and eat plenty of fruits and vegetables. It is my choice.
Care to join me? - More...
Wednesday AM - February 21, 2007
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